Part I
In your 20s, it is not a thought, you rest assured that Mr or Miss Oga is on the way.
Then when you can sight the 3rd floor, you may start wondering and actively hoping and praying that it happens before you hit the big 3-0!
At this stage, humans won’t let you rest, they seem to believe that the more your unmarried state is discussed, the better pressured you feel to ‘take action’.
What is action? For a Christian maybe – pray and fast more, go out more, dress up more deliberately to catch his/her eye, join a group in church - make it a big church so the probability is higher.
Anyways for some, you then cross the big 3-0 and you are still here 😊 and no, the world didn’t come an end. In my opinion, the toughest stages are between 28 -33 or maybe 35.
If you are 35 and are unmarried, hopefully, you have gone past crying and self-doubts to just living your reality, whilst still hoping for the dude/babe or choosing celibacy.
Part II
I understand that some feel that because they are married or have been married before, they are better humans, or they have an additional badge of success than the unmarried – it is okay to enjoy your feeling.
I however have not seen a common denominator amongst the married or the unmarried.
Being married or single is not about faith, character, wealth, looks, education, sexiness, and the list goes on. If you look closely, you will find someone that fits the bill on both divides.
Christian married – Christian single
Busy married – Busy single
Rude married – rude single
Gentle married – gentle single
Hot married – Hot single
Simple married – simple single
Kind married – kind single
So, own your journey, whilst supporting others in their areas of need.
Part III
Being single can be challenging, the way marriage comes with its own challenges.
A single person whose heart and life has been transformed by Jesus Christ is further constrained by the love of Christ – they can’t play around with their temples, no matter how hard konji is doing them (Nigerian English). They must keep their bodies under the submission of Christ.
Some have rejected offers of ‘help’ to have biological babies outside the context of a marriage.
Others have refused to settle for money bags – realising that the marriage deal is more than money.
Many single people can be married now now – there are just real limitations, especially when it is around faith.
World people, aloneness can be tough too! (Nigerian English).
Why does society accord more respect to the married, than the unmarried?
A confident person will definitely speak up for themselves in all situations, but can we do better as a society.
The unmarried person in the room is not always the ‘free’ person to do all the visits and runs. Be deliberate about visiting them in-person too (forget this film trick called mobile phones – its not like the real thing).
The unmarried person is not the person that has money but doesn’t know what to do with it, because they don’t have obligations – some unmarried people are paying the fees for dozens of children and teaching many humans how to fish.
I respect the family unit and I believe it is the most important unit and essential foundation for learning all things on this planet, but I also know that the world is bigger than our nuclear family obligations. Nuclear is first, but there are secondary obligations.
Part IV
…and to my current crew, please don’t let society get to you. Don’t let the world make you ashamed of your reality.
All humans are imperfect, we have imperfections on both sides of the divide. Your imperfections are not the reason you are not married.
And please whatever you do, be flexible but don’t settle for an abusive person or someone that doesn’t share your core beliefs.
If you are a child of God, then He is with you and all power in heaven and on earth belongs to Him.
Daily surrender your life to Him and He will direct your path and give you joy and peace in all situations. It may not be a tearless process, but He is with you, that is all you need!
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